Amnesiac Candy (Part One)
by Ogamano Shi
Summary: The Gundam Boys, a flaming park, kidnapped Relena, dangerous chemicals, a guy with a gun, 1x2, REALLY BAD sappiness..... You know..... The usual.....


Well, I guess it's a good thing I keep a diary. That way, when things go off-the-walls weird, I've got someplace to turn. I wonder how everyone else deals with it... somehow I just don't see Heero writing anything in a diary. But I'm rambling now. It all started a few days ago when we all went on a picnic. It began normally enough; Heero, Trowa, and Wufei all eating in relative silence as me and Quatre tried to start a conversation. 

But then there was a flash of fire in the air. As it rushed toward us Heero had the brilliant idea that just maybe it wasn't fireworks. We all got out of the way and hid under a tree. When the sparks of whatever-it-was touched the ground, the real fireworks began. The leaves, grass, and flowers all burst into flames and went flying around the park as if blown by tornado-style winds, about two minutes after that started, vendor's carts were exploding and flaming ice cream cones, SnoCones, hot dogs, and pretzels were raining down on our hiding spot under the park benches. (We'd moved out from underneath the tree after it caught on fire.) I had been trying to catch some of the falling food but stopped after I burned my hands catching a pretzel and Heero told me that 'They're probably going to be hot.' (In that order, too.) People were running around screaming. I think I saw Relena somewhere in the chaos, but I try to hope that it was just a nightmarish figment of my imagination. 

After the fire had mostly died down we went over to the one vendor's cart that was still intact and helped ourselves to a round of SnoCones. But since the vendor had disappeared in the chaos we couldn't pay him. Oh well. After that we headed back to the dorms. We all stayed in Quatre and Trowa's for a little while we listened to the 'latest story' about Relena's mysterious disappearance and suspected kidnapping. 

At first I thought it was just a publicity ploy by Relena, but after some of the facts they gave I started to suspect a chemical agent that I'd worked with many times before I became a Gundam pilot. If I was right it was a drug that worked through either inhalation or ingestion. It would knock out anyone who contacted it for one to two hours, with no side effects except for a feeling of disorientation for about ten minutes after it wore off. The perfect thing for a kidnapping. One full vial of it would knock out everyone in a medium sized masion. It probably took one and a half to two vials for Relena's. Only one thing prevented it from being in wide spread use; and that was the fact that the plant it was made from had only only been able to grow on Earth and colony L-5. 

I told the others what I thought and they decided that Heero should use his lap top to check up and see if he could find any leads through tracing credit lines, then tomorrow I'd take a cab over to the area and see what I could find. Meanwhile Wufei would do research into people who could have set this up and would want her out of the way and Quatre and Trowa would infiltrate into the Media and find out what information they had that they weren't telling the general public. 

Then we all headed back to our separate dorm rooms. When Heero and I walked in we found some guy sitting on my bed. he looked vaguely familiar, but gut reaction still took over. (I think that I've been hanging around Heero a bit too long.) Okay okay okay okay... maybe pulling a gun on him was just a bit excessive... but hey, what can I say? I panicked. He just smiled at me... and then everything got really weird. Suddenly my eyes were slowly dimming while telling me I was flying, while my inner ear was insisting that I was falling. Then I hit the ground and promptly passed out. 

After that everything took a turn from bad to worse. It was one of those things that's so bad it's indescribeable. I was in this place... I suppose that it's easiest just to call it Hell. And no, I don't mean the hell full of fire and brimstone, Satan, and little demons running around with wings and pointed forks. It was a void of nothing and no one. No sensation, no emotion, no sound, no thought, no anything. Just a void, the void in the hole of my heart. The hell that is Death. After it seemed like I was just about to fall flat into the oh so tempting hole leading to insanity; sensation, emotion, and thought returned. 

I felt like I was burning. I felt as if I'd been declared so dirty, so far beyond redemption that they'd decided to burn me as I crawled around in the dirt, slithering on my stomach. The burning was searing my flesh, and my own blood was choking me, denying me precious air. This is what lurks in my mind. I'm not really a clown, always happy. No, that's just a facade, a mask... maybe I really am a clown. A depressed suicidal clown who is forced every day to act like a happy joker who enjoys a laugh. Maybe. 

Then the dreams started. These really estranged dreams that seemed to all involve either Heero or Maxwell Church, sometimes both. I remember floating in and out of consciousness, though never fully awake. I remeber calling out, screaming, sometimes crying as I saw Heero shoot me down as he told me that I was 'An interference to the mission'. I saw the distruction of Maxwell Church again. I saw a younger Heero running away from the church screaming for help, wondering where I was as he died. And so much more. But they all had one thing in common: They all hurt so damn much. 

I remember reaching deep into that hole. Reaching for Hell. Death's hell is so much more forgiving than the one filled with memories and fears that lurk in my mind. I remember wanting to be removed from the world. Locked away where nothing could hurt me any more. And if I can't feel anything good, at least I can't feel anything bad either. With death comes peace. Then something happened that I'm still not sure whether it was real or just a dream. I could swear that I heard Heero's voice next to my face; felt his touch as he held my hand. 

Whatever it was, I heard him say "Duo... please... don't leave me... alone..." It made me start questioning if retreating from the world was really the best thing. If running away from Heero would hurt me more than it would protect me. I thought I heard him take a deep breath and clutch my hand to his face before continuing. "Please, Duo. Don't... don't be... like her. Another innocent... that... that I've... destroyed." It hit me like a sledgehammer, tossing me away from the edge of that dark void. Heero thought of me as an innocent. And I knew then that if I broke off from the world, he'd blame himself for it. He'd think that it was his fault. And no matter what, I could never bring myself to hurt him. 

"Boku wo... hitsuyo... anata." I heard him quietly whisper to me and I was totally convinced that Heero actually cared for me. That he didn't quite know how to show it, and was possibly was afraid of the fact that he did. But what mattered was the fact that he did. And that knowledge shielded me from the black hole in my heart. I now had a special suit of armor and it said 'Heero loves me' all over it. After that I drifted off to sleep and finally slept restfully. 

When I finally woke up, I was in my bed, naked, with an identically clothed Heero lying on top of me while under the blankets. Now, to my hormone-pumped body this was a dream come true. But luckily, what little amount of blood was still going to my brain managed to remind me that this was Heero, and that any action of that sort was likely to be met with my brains splattered on the wall (and probably with the gun I keep on the nightstand, just in case). I just hoped that he hadn't noticed yet. Though that was about as likely as shooting someone in the thigh and hoping that they 'don't notice'. 

"Ummm... H-Heero?" I manage to say without stuttering too badly. 

He looked at me strangely for a moment before he responded, while studying the wall above my head. "You were in shock. Your body needed the body heat." 

"Heero, what happened??" I asked thouroughly clueless as to what has happened after I'd pointed the gun at the guy and he'd smiled at me. 

I could almost swear that he smiled then, but I must be delusional. This is Heero. He never smiles outside of a mission. "You'll find out later. For now, you need to rest." He said as he got up, replaced the blankets, tossed on a long tank top, and sat down in front of his lap top. You know, he's got such a good body that it's almost a crime for him to wear clothes at all. At lest I think it is. About that time I realized that I was in a lot of pain. Especially at the back of my skull and my left side. I decided to take Heero's advice and go to sleep. I'd figure out why I was in pain in the morning. 

## ~ End Chapter One ~


End file.
